In this darkness

Photo by Josh Nuttall on Unsplash

The sun rises each morning to uncover
One day is now another, where dark clouds hover still
Keep praying for a miracle to happen

To rise up from these ashes,
or at least that's how it feels
And time seems like the enemy
And hope so far away
And once again I'm on my knees
With no words left to pray

But in this darkness still You find me
And You draw me to Your light
Though the shadows deepen, I can see
In this darkness, still You shine

Was it like this in Your desperate hour
Did it take all Your power to endure all the pain
Was it why You chose to be an offering
To join me in my suffering
To meet me in this place
This night is not my enemy
There'll be a sunrise soon
I'm holding on to all I have
Lord, all I have is You

But in this darkness still You find me
And You draw me to Your light
Though the shadows deepen, I can see
In this darkness, still You shine

Still You shine through the rain and the rolling thunder
Shine in the eyes of a loving friend
Shine in my night, turning doubt to wonder
Shine as the light that has no end

- In this darkness, Ginny Owens

A Night Walk

Photo by Mark Jefferson Paraan on Unsplash

I remember how big the moon was
As we walked through the night breeze
Seeing your face ignited by the street lights
Promised ourselves we would go to this place again
I stopped for a while, feeling overwhelmed
Maybe this is what people are talking about
You stopped, looked back, stood, and waite
You. With your eyes. And your smile
It snapped me back from my daydream
As I believed I was living in one
As I thanked God and thought to myself
"Has it always been this easy? "


I remember how big the moon was
As I walked through the cold, unforgiving wind
Seeing my shadows projected by the street lights
Promised myself I won't let myself be fooled again
I stopped for a while, feeling overwhelmed
Maybe this what poets try to warned us about
You stopped a long time ago, and never looked back
This time is just another goodbye, I'm getting used to it
You. With your eyes. But no longer your smile
As you said to me that we wouldn't make it
I still thanked God for your presence
For your temporary trace in my journey of life
As I walked I began to think to myself,
"Has it always been this hard?"


For the ships that never sailed

Photo by Joël Assuied on Unsplash

For the ships that never sailed,
For the "almost"s, the "maybe"s, the "what if"s
The kind of thoughts that won't let you sleep
The kind of feelings that you try to bury deep

For the ships that never sailed,
For the different paths, different dreams
For all the children whose family intervened
For all the rocks that were thrown into the relationship

For the ships that never sailed,
For all the red signs that you missed
For all the hearts that were too broken to trust again
For convincing yourself, this time, it's truly "lessons learned"

For the ships that never sailed,
For leaving things unsaid between the lines
The "better timing next time"
The forced "see you" to soften the "goodbye"
The awkward hello if you ever pass them by

For all the premature beginnings
The unfinished endings
The unspoken feelings
The somehow-silver linings

For all the ships that never sailed,
All the comfort and the safe of the harbor
All flowers that died before blooming beautifully
All snowflakes that melt before reaching the ground
All the stories that never reached the back cover
This poem is made for you

Just because it did not go as it was expected
Does not make it any less true
They were meant to be the-in-betweens
To teach us to become better partner
Be grateful that it was over before it truly begins
Be grateful it did not waste more of your time
Or else you'd go and risk your heart
On a voyage with a person you did not belong

We'll be more than be the ones who got away
We'll be remembered more than midnight regrets
We'll be patient and learn not to rush things
We'll open new chapter dear, buy a new book
We'll find new places, we'll find new homes
We'll find the person to venture the sea with
And even if one day we still don't,
We'll always be completely fine to sail on our own

In The Silence

I've been seeking silver linings, feeling incomplete
Singing "oh oh I wish it didn't taste so bittersweet"
So enamoured, stutter, stammered, oh my voice was broke
Like a poor man stood before the queen
I tripped over my tongue before I spoke
And though I never said it with words
There was love in the silence
Even now after all of these years
You're the light in my darkness
Used to share that feeling, dreaming
Gazing at the bedroom ceiling
Oh oh now I'm lay here wishing you'd come home
And though I never said it with words
There was love in the silence
Even now after all of these years
You're the light in my darkness
Darling please, listen close and you'll hear
There's still love in the silence
Even now after all these long years
I feel love in the quiet 
- JP Cooper, In the silence

Breakin' Free

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
"No one was foolish enough to follow someone else's dream.
No one was selfish enough to cut someone else's wings"
We started off as two silly dreamers
With head above the clouds, feet above the ground
But eyes locked within each other's
For you, life was great tons of possibilities
For me, life was a possibility with you

We ended up, still as two dreamers
Drifting away to two different roads
You will be forever chasing hills
And I am too content with my valleys

So, go, go and change the world
Cure cancer, be a millionaire, study abroad
Meet new people, travel the world, help others
Do what you've gotta do
I promise I won't be still
I'm gonna catch my own

It's the price we have to pay to make history
It's the sacrifice and the choice that we must choose
To change things beyond our relationship.
And if it really does work out in the end,
At least we'll never regret it
Nothing is ever in vain, my dear

We'll find new people to share our dream with.
We'll find new places we can call home.
We'll find each other again if we're meant to be.
But for now, you've gotta be you and I've gotta be me.

So, as long as being separated means you can follow your dream,
I'll be more than happy to make it come true by letting you go.
The day I'm setting you free, I'm setting myself free, too.

- LaLaLand kind of feel
random writing inspired by the past,
but with the hopeful outlook to the future. 

And if you're still breathing, you're the lucky ones

You’re going to be okay.
Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before.
You’ve been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you’ve survived.
 Breathe and know that you can survive this too.
These feelings can’t break you.
They’re painful and debilitating, but you can sit with them and eventually, they will pass.
Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon, they are going to fade and when they do, you’ll look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience.
I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing, again and again. This will pass. I promise it will pass."
— Daniell Koepke

Never Ending Stories

Dear you, whoever read this,

Today is the second day of UPH Fest Day. I can surely say it feels like it is something that is really left behind. We are no longer freshman. We don’t really feel the vibe or the excitement far away from them. This year we are not a committee of anything, we are not a mentor, or anything that would make us busy today. But today, we are here, together.

Can you believe it’s been four years since our freshman days? How you wore white polo shirt with the scarf of your faculty. Like how nervous we were. “Will I ever have friends?”, “Will I get accepted?”, “What will I do in the next four years of my life?”. You know, such thoughts..

The first few months are the ones that we try to adapt from the old life (high school, old friends, etc) to the new life. Big bold change, brand new friends, all those activities that we can’t find in our high school. The first year we somehow ended up, either in the committees or communities that we participated in. But those questions somehow still ring even in the darkest corner of our mind.
But for some of bit something that I’d call as God’s plan, in the early months of 2015....... You chose to join SFS. And that’s how I get to know you. Like really know you..... We became family. We cried together. We fought together (and sometimes with each other). We held hands as we prayed, and worshipped God together. We were once strangers and somehow in one short year, God has put us as a family. God has put us to grow together.

Those are good days, you know. If I ever look back I can say that one year in SFS was the greatest year in my university days. Because I get to know you, all those 32 of you. And I know that as the batch of 2013, we became the big brother and big sister for our juniors in SFS. Because I see how God has been faithful to us. Because we get the chance to serve Him.

For now, maybe it feels like SFS is also something that is left behind (just like UPH Fest). I mean, of course, it has been two years. A lot of things have changed since then. SFS has changed to be SG, the rules and regulations have changed. The leaders of our ministry have changed. We no longer know the new students or servants in SFS.

We may not even see each other as often as we used to. We may not even talk to each other as much as we want it to. Some of us may still continue to have communities, to serve in SFS, but I guess most of us continue to walk our path alone...

But I do hope it really that this journey that you have to take is not entirely alone. You have to know that your sister and brother is here. You have to know that you still can share to us what your struggle is. You have to know that we can always pray for you. We can still walk together and not became strangers once more but walk as a family. I love this quote.
Family is like a tree. It can grow to many directions but the roots remain as one.

So just go on. Embrace this new life. Find the job that you love. Discover your calling. Study again if you want to. Be rooted in whatever you are planted. Go. Make disciples. We are still here. We will always be here. I, will always be here. I can’t wait to be there on your wedding days, and all those meaningful days. I know you’re gonna do great, meet newpeople, and I believe that God will always remain faithful in your life.