111 things that make me happy

9:43:00 AM Valencia Ng 4 Comments

VERSI KOMPLIT HAHAHA
Inspired by my beloved sister @adeldelina whohooo

Tidak sesuai urutan ya. Yang kepikiran aja.

1. Ketemu orang yang jual sandal swallow warna ungu pas lagi sandalnya copot.
2. Indomie. Telor setengah mateng. Tengah malem.
3. Kena cahaya pagi dari deket jendela di kelas filsafat seni.
4. Waktu balik di atas jam 10 malem dan enggak ngerjain tugas, dan abis spend quality time sama temen. Cuma bisa berpikir.... 'wow, it's a great night"
5. Waktu sampe rumah dan eyeliner ga luntur, rambut masih rapi, muka belum berminyak
6. Jalan kaki pulang sore - sore dari tempat turun angkot sampe rumah
7. Girls Night with Eneleigh and Starr. Nonton Disney Princess atau Barbie Marathon
8. Keluar koleksi jurnal - jurnal baru di toko jurnal
9. Journal hunting pas lagi travel kemana gitu
10. When you fall in love and you can't help but smile all the time
11. Naik ayunan pas lagi ujan
12. Fireworks.
13. Merencanakan suatu perjalanan atau event
14. Di mobil Andrew bersama kelompok bahagia terus ngejokes dengan suara super bacot
15. Perpustakaan sehabis pulang sekolah dulu walaupun cuma bisa 30 menit
16. Diucapin "happy birthday" sama papi.
17. When the movie made you cry
18. Waktu kaki pertama kali nginjek di pasir pantai setelah perjalanan  jauh
19. Ngobrol di 232 pas lagi ga ngapa2in kecuali spend quality time dan ketawa2 ampe gamau pulang. Pernah waktu itu ama ci adel dan ko harris terus ampe jam 11 gitu hahahhaha.
20. Ketika berhasil nyelesaiin sesuatu, like, sebuah event, atau movie berhasil di screening
21. Pembicaraan tengah malam.
22. Ketika foto polaroid keluar dan ngeluarin bunyi "ssshhh" terus gambar yang awalnya putih tiba2 ngeluarin warna.
23. Praise and worship night.
24. Full moon. Biasanya tanggal 15-16 setiap bulannya
25. Hugs. Hugs. Hugs. 20 seconds oxytocin right away.
26. Jalan ke monas pas lagi emosi terus duduk di tempat biasa
27. Pas pulang dan sampe di terminal F.X terus bisa bilang "I'm home"
28. Dapet surprise. Either itu surprise trip atau apa.
29. Berhasil menemukan font yang tepat.
30. Berhasil ngecampur warna cat yang dimau
31. Berhasil ngalahin ketakutan dan selanjutnya lebih berani lagi
32. Waktu akhirnya ada yang bisa nilai gw secara objektif. Ga overestimate/underestimate
33. Dibuatin ice cream  atau apapun homemade/diy
34. Waktu bangun dan ternyata masih ada beberapa jam lagi buat tidur
35. Ketika duit sudah sangat mepet dan tanggal satu tiba
36. Ketika kamar akhirnya rapi dan udah diberesin
37. Ketika berhasil nyoret satu list 'things to do'
38. Funny photo box
39. Bener - bener didengerin dan bener - bener bisa diskusi satu topik tertentu
40. Dapet bunga. Beli bunga. Metik bunga.
41. Sleeping with my teddy bears, my K family
42. Baca ulang buku atau nonton ulang film dan nemuin sesuatu yang baru disitu
43. Tiap kali berjam - jam di starbucks ama Jo dan ga ngapa2in
44. Movie marathon with cece! yehey
45. Masakan rumah
46. Bisa tidur jam 8 malem, which is sangat langka
47. Holding hands
48. Praying together, especially with someone I love
49. Duduk di deket jendela, terutama kalo di pesawat dan ngeliat seberapa kecil manusia sebenernya. Atau kalo lagi di bus gitu, nebak-nebak tentang kehidupan orang yang diliat
50. Ketika sampe di negara/kota baru dan merasa excited
51. Ketemu temen lama, mantan guru, atau orang yang udah lama ga diketemuin.
52. Berhasil buktiin ke orang yang udah underestimate duluan
53. Ketika lagi bete galau dan sebagainya dan setelah nulis tiba2 bete galau dan sebagainya ilang
54. Ketika ngomongin yang berhubungan dengan desain dan ngetawain inside-jokes gitu
55. Dapet dudu atau response ask fm yang akurat dan/atau so sweet
56. Nonton FRIENDS setiap liburan
57. Ohya, harvest moon juga. Dan ngerencanain semuanya sebelom main :))
58. Ketika lagi iseng buka youtube dan artis favorit ngeluarin lagu baru
59. Apapun yang berhubungan dengan langit dan diliatin terus direnungin. Entah itu sunset, sunrise, pelangi, bulan, bintang, dan sebagainya
60. Nyanyi 'love is an open door' berdua ci ochie hahahahahhahahaha
61. Facetime ama keluarga yang sangat ga jelas
62. Ketika pake celana jeans dan berasa sedikit longgar hahahahha.
63. Ketemu buku bagus dan murah. Bukan masalah harganya sih. Tapi entah kenapa rasanya kayak sedikit 'berpetualang' kalo nyari buku bagus yang keselip di toko barang bekas, toko loak, pasar buku bekas, atau sale di mall gitu.
64. When I give thanks and I receive more and more reasons to be thankful
65. Ketika kamar baru dibersihin. Ranjang dan lantai bersih. Baju dan kertas serta kabel pada tempatnya. Hahahahhahaha.
66. Ketika beresin dan buang-buangin barang terus ketemu barang-barang yang mengingatkan akan suatu hal contohnya kayak surat-suratan di kelas, coretan galau, tiket bioskop, dsb.
67. Ketemu orang yang bisa respect sama perempuan, orang yang lebih tua, punya good manner dan nice gestures, dan tau situasi kondisi kapan harus bercanda kapan harus serius
68. Waktu lagi doodle doodle di kelas, terutama kalo lagi mumet
69. Kalo lagi perjalanan lumayan jauh terus ketawa-ketawa di bus, either itu main pancasila lima dasar, truth or dare, atau sejenisnya. Seru banget! Apalagi kalo ama GoD or Maxteen
70. Ketika ada orang yang bisa curhat, beneran curhat ke gw. Bukannya yang tipikal semua-orang-tau gitu hehehe. Waktu orang taroh kepercayaan gitu
71. Waktu sedikit demi sedikit menemukan kisah tentang keluarga misalnya gw masih kecil gimana or papi mami dulu gimana. Soalnya mami papi bukan tipe yang cerita-cerita. Jadi kalo nemu pasti lucu gimana gitu
72. Nemuin kata baru yang aneh dan ga mainstream. Terus bisa inget terus sama kata itu bahkan dipake di kehidupan sehari - hari. Contoh, eunoia, sonder, oneirataxia, fernweh, hiraeth, dsb
73. One random act of kindness. Contoh pernah suatu saat kelas pagi, jam 6an gw berangkat dan gw naik bus (which is kejadian sangat langka karena gw biasanya naik ojek, dan telat). Terus ada stranger bayarin gw bus krn gaada kembalian. Sampe sekarang ga pernah nemu lagi. :o
74. Ketika hal kecil yang gw lakukan dapat mempengaruhi orang lain. Menginspirasi, memotivasi, atau membuat mereka berpikir. Itu aja cukup :')
75. Ketika merasa terinspirasi dengan sesuatu.
76. Untuk nyobain atau belajar suatu hal yang bener2 baru.
77. Awal yang baru. Setiap awal yang baru selalu membuat gw senang dan memotivasi untuk berubah. Entah itu tahun baru, semester baru, kamar baru. Dan sebagainya.
78. Ngecat kamar. Baru 3 x megang cat tembok. Dan entah kenapa ada rasanya 'membersihkan jiwa' dan ada kesan 'awal baru' pas kamar dicat warna putih walaupun capenya pake bangettttttt.
79. Kalo semaleman lagi ga bisa tidur terus narik kasur dan pindah ke kamar bokap nyokap. Hehehehhehehehe. I still do this, sometimes. Atau ga jam 6 pagi pas papi dah bangun dan mandi, langsung narik selimut tidur di sebelah nyokapppp nyehehehe
80. Ketemu quotes atau personality test yang hasilnya, "ih gila gw bangettttt!!"
81. Ngomongin hal yang bener-bener random tapi panjang. Ini sering banget dan entah kenapa lucu aja bisa ketawa-ketawa sendiri. Contoh pernah ngomongin ama Jo tentang Diary tentang pup. HAHA. Geli lah.
82. Ketika berhasil move on dari suatu fase tertentu. Pas liat ke belakang dan bingung kenapa dulu ngerasa sampe sebegitunya. Ketika nyadar udah jauh banget berubah
83. Ketika dikasih satu kepercayaan dan tanggung jawab untuk ngelakuin sesuatu.
84. Pas pulang dan masih di sudut jalan aja, anjing- anjing gw sudah menggongong dan menyambut kedatangan hahahahaha.
85. Entah kenapa, pas lagi pengen untuk lebih feminim. Pas bener-bener dress up untuk special occasion. Ada saatnya pas bangun terus kepengen banget pake rok, full makeup, pake heels, atau pengen head-to-toe treatment. Gatau ya. Terkadang sihhh hahahahah berasa seneng aja.
86. Ketemu orang yang bisa bener2 diem berdua dan ga awkward tapi merasa nyaman. Ga perlu ngapa-ngapain, yang penting tau we stand up for each other.
87. Ketika bangun tidur dan masih bisa inget semalem mimpi apa
88. Hari terakhir UAS apapun. Nonton Bridget Jones sehabis UAS. Totally worth it.
89. Being appreciated. Ga perlu diucapin terimakasih terus sih kalo terus-terus jadinya ga spesial juga tapi yang pasti once in a while gw tau gw ga sia-sia melakukan sesuatu hahahaha.
90. Pas lagi random ngetweet famous people terus dibales lucu gitu. So far sih baru Adhitia Sofyan sama Dewi Lestari nyeheheheh. Yang ga lupa pas Adhitia Sofyan ngucapin turut berduka cita pas mama meninggal :')
91. Do ordinary things yang bahkan mainstream tapi secara unexpected dan sekali - kali aja. Contohnya main paintball, nobar sampe 20 orang, jalan ke seaworld atau dufan, barbequean, slumber night, makan cantik, dan sebagainya. The quality, and not the quantity that makes it special.
92. Valen free day. Adalah hari ketika Valen boleh ngelakuin apa aja yang valen mau dan ditemenin. hahahahhaha. Kakak gw dan ipar gw pernah menerapkan ini dan gw boleh bebas ngapain aja. Sayangnya waktu itu gw ngeblank dan gatau mau ngapain.
93. Pergi ke museum atau galeri. Yeheyyy. Ohya, seneng juga misalnya di tempat rame gitu tapi pas lagi ga ngerasa kesepian. Contoh, pernah ke kota tua pas sehari sebelom ulangtaun dan bener-bener duduk dan observasi orang-orang sambil bawa kamera sampe malemmm :))
94. Ketika busway lagi ga rame
95. Dimainin piano. Ga tahannnnn :'''')
96. Bisa diskusi sama orang yang bener - bener ngerti, satu passion, dan satu visi. Ga harus selalu setuju tapi bisa saling membangun gitu
97. Waktu parents bisa bilang "I'm proud of you"
98. Serendipity :)
99. The fine weather. Ketika panasnya ga terlalu terik, tapi cahaya ngerembes di pepohonan gitu. i always find it magical. Atau ketika angin lagi kenceng tapi cuaca ga mendung. Atau ketika ujan gerimis. I always love rain, by the way.
100. Ketika merasa excited dengan sesuatu yang akan datang. Ketika bisa ngeliat segala possibility yang ada dan semangat untuk ngejalaninnya
101. Ketika sedang sangat mood untuk ngerjain sesuatu dan segala sesuatunya selesai dalam waktu singkat. Pas lagi on fire banget hahahahah
102. Ketika dapet partner kerja atau tim yang seru banget! Apapun jadi jauh lebih menyenangkan. Hahahahahhaha. Kayak seru gitu mau rapat aja ujung2nya jadi webcam selfie yang aib-aib
103. Ketika photoshoot gitu, sengaja atau tidak, yang backgroundnya bagus2 nyehehehe
104. Ketika lagi sangat niat masak. Hahhahaha. Apalagi kalo enak jadinya.
105. Ketika ada orang cerita tentang kisah hidup dia, bahkan hal se ga penting apapun itu
106. Merasa belong di suatu kepanitiaan, komunitas, dan sebagainya. Ini sih sangat membuat bahagia lhooo hahahhaha.
107. Ketika ga sengaja nemuin duit yang keselip gitu HAHAH rasanya kayak hadiah dari diri sendiri untuk diri sendiri.
108. Ketika dapet khotbah, nasehat, atau kritik yang jleb banget tapi akhirnya sadar itu buat kebaikan diri sendiri juga hahahaha
109. Ketika lagi pengen sesuatu dan tiba2 ada aja gitu kayak kesampean kepengennya
110. Ketika gw bisa bilang, "God, I know it's You. thank Youuuuuu :*"
111. Ketika capek banget terus tinggal mandi dan tidur. Dan besoknya bangun siang. Beuh (y)


udah ah
beneran ga kepikiran

tau ga ada orang yang nulis 14000 things to be happy about
dan dia spent tahunan buat dokumentasiin itu
ampe2 ada temen gw (yang emang terlalu kole, practical, pragmatic) ngomong
"ga guna banget"

hahahahhaha....
tamtamtam nanti kalo kepikiran lagi ditambahin dehhhh

4 comments:

Tell me anything

11:08:00 PM Valencia Ng 0 Comments

“For what it’s worth:
 it’s never too late
or, in my case, 
too early
 to be whoever you want to be. 
There’s no time limit,
stop whenever you want.
You can change or stay the same,
there are no rules to this thing.
We can make the best or the worst of it.
I hope you make the best of it.
And I hope you see things that startle you.
I hope you feel things you never felt before.
I hope you meet people with a different point of view.
I hope you live a life you’re proud of.
 If you find that you’re not,
I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

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Satu

1:29:00 AM Valencia Ng 0 Comments

Satu adalah yang pertama.

Waktu itu tanggal satu. 
Aku ingat sekali.

Sehari sebelumnya, kau mengajariku terbang

Belajar untuk terbang, belajar untuk berani jatuh
Padahal sebelumnya, kita tidak berani berbicara
Malu - malu dan diam menunduk
Sebelum kau mengajakku berlomba

Aku suka berlomba! Begitu kataku

Kata orang, dulu kita tidak terpisah
Mulai dari ke kamarmu yang berwarna biru tua sesuai dengan piyamamu
Atau es krim stroberi susu kesukaanku

Tapi kemudian waktu dan jarah memisahkan
Memisahkan realita dan juga angan - angan
Sekali - kali berjumpa, sekali - kali menyapa
Tapi tak sekalipun berbicara tentang kisah kita

Belasan tahun kemudian,
Waktu itu tanggal satu pas kebetulan
Langit malam, dan satu jam dihabiskan
Seakan - akan sejenak berlari kembali angan
Seakan - akan waktu berhenti dan langit merayakan

Pukul satu hari itu aku kembali ke realita
Pukul satu hari ini aku kembali bercerita

Menghitung mundur dan mengingat selama ingatan itu masih ada.

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Semiotically Incorrect.

1:50:00 AM Valencia Ng 0 Comments

"Do you ever do this, you think back on all the times you've had with someone and you just replay it in your head over and over again and you look for those first signs of trouble?" - (500) days of Summer

I'm that type of girl who learned to read between the lines from a long, long time ago. Ironically, I'm also that type of girl who created the imaginary, blurry lines to protect myself from anyone who could, who might..... hurt me. I'm the girl who built the strong walls, I even created my own dragons. No, darling. You don't have to save me from the dragons and take me outside the castle. It is my own castle, and my own tower, my own dragons and I built it for your own safety. I'm the princess. I'm the witch. That's just who I am.

I'm that type of girl who learned to read the signs. That kind of girl who easily understands the whole concept in a minute. The girl who loves to see the big pictures, the vision of an imaginary place called 'the future'. The girl who still wakes up at 3 am every single night and overanalyze every single thing, whether it's just a stupid project or a life decision. I'm that type of girl who learned to see the invisible signs before the real events. I always see the ending before the beginning. 

I'm that type of girl who tries to remember every single milestone in life. I carefully put the puzzle pieces together. I collect memories as if someday I may have an amnesia and forget every single thing. When I was young, I was afraid of forgotten memories and how memories seemed to fade in time. I was afraid because time seemed to steal everything from me. My dreams, my ambitions, and now, my idealism. 

I'm standing right now at the present. I can't see what's ahead of me. I can't see the future. This is not the very first time in my life I'm feeling lost, and asking where to go. I can't see the ending, nor the beginning of anything. It's like a labyrinth Daedalus created and there's nowhere to go unless I build my own wings and fly away. I built my own maze and now I'm completely lost. 

I'm standing right now and I can't look back at all. I can't see my past. My memory drowned in the Lethe river and maybe it's decomposing right now to its dark and muddy ground. Because lately  I've been spending time and replaying in my head over and over again where are the first signs of trouble I've made. When? Where? How? When it did became bitter? What did I do? And I wonder, what's the use of being super curious, anyway? I don't have time machine and I can't turn back the time to change. It is just what it is.

I'm trying to drawing the lines, marking my life with big blue permanent marker, I'm trying to putting back the shredding puzzle pieces. I'm searching my own pin in a pile of grass. And neither post-its or wunderlist can ever help me to get back on track. Even if I decode my life with all the semiotics theories and see where it will lead me. All the signs have collided and my reality is already distorted. And not me, nor Saussure himself can help me. 

I'm not sure anyone can. In fact, I'm not sure about anything right now. Not even this post. 

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D-15.

12:04:00 AM Valencia Ng 0 Comments


D-15 and the deadlines are getting crazier and crazier each day. And I can't help but procrastinate. It's like, you see how much things you have to do, you decided to take a nap instead. And I do it again and again and again. I find myself trying to escape from this reality. Why, I don't understand. Please, please I really don't know what to do.

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Google this

1:26:00 PM Valencia Ng 0 Comments

Add caption

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Another sentimental post

7:44:00 PM Valencia Ng 0 Comments

I suggest you not to read this. I bet I'll wake up next morning and regret this post. But I just can't let these thoughts out of my head.

Here you go. 

So, this is it. Another roller-coaster mood before final exam, and what makes it worse, this is my last term to get the scholarship and if my G.P.A is not 3.75 in August 9th, I'll lose the scholarship and have to apply it again and do the procedure all over again. 

Well, I know that my parents will be alright and still love me the same. But the thought of disappointing them is just so...heart-breaking for me. This accelerated semester went by too fast, that I'm kinda surprised next week will be my last week before the final exam. I have to catch up with all the crazy deadlines I need to do, and at the same time, I have to revise my past assignments. I'm not satisfied with my scores. It's not that bad, actually. It's pretty good, but not good enough. And that's exactly what I feel about myself right now. 

I don't feel like I'm good enough. I can see this hole is getting bigger and bigger. I always feel like I don't give my best, even if I spend hours not sleeping to get things done and over-analyze every single project my lecturers have given me. When my posters weren't attractive enough to make people join the event, I feel I'm a failure. When my friends are free to do anything they really want and paint all the pictures beautifully, and they improvise so much, I feel like I'm going nowhere. I feel like something's holding me back. And guess what? It's me. I know I'm holding myself back. 

This thing makes me unmotivated and as always, I get the inspiration block. Ha-ha. And I don't even know why. I love what I'm doing, I'm glad I'm finally right where I'm supposed to be. But why does these things happen? There are so many things I must be, so many things I have to do. 

They say I have distinctive style, they call it valenism. But when they call it, they don't say it's good. It's valenism. It's different. I always loved being different, but why does this thing bother me? I remember 3 or 4 years ago I had a little argument with my good friend about "be better" vs "be yourself".  I don't want to use my style as an excuse for me to not getting better. I don't want to settle. 

I know that sooner or later I will get over this feeling and maybe this is just an emotion based on this situation, but maybe it's more than that. I know I can say, "This too shall pass". I've always said it everytime I get too overwhelmed with something. But I don't want live my life waiting for things to pass before my eyes. I want to live out loud

Hopefully.

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Jesus wants all of me

12:44:00 AM Valencia Ng 0 Comments

About 13 years ago, my pastor gave me a devotional book for children because I've finished a thick children's bible book. The title is, "Jesus wants all of me", based on Oswald Chambers' My Utmost to His Highest. The book taught about grace and salvation. I didn't understand the whole concept back then, but this book helped me a lot in my teenage years, about 2 -3 years ago. I was in a deep struggle. Now I want to quote some of them. :) Here it goes. Hope you are blessed.

“I can trust God. My heart does not have to be a junk drawer full of worries and doubts. In every big, scary thing - in every little, ordinary thing - I can trust Him. I don’t have to be afraid”

“Why do I feel this way? Why can’t I understand myself? I just don’t know. But Jesus knows. He knows even when I don’t. Maybe something is wrong. Maybe I need to change. I will let Jesus change my heart”

“God knows what will happen tomorrow. He knows where I will be. He knows what I will do. I don’t have to worry. I am in good hands. I am in God’s hands!”

“I am born again. Jesus made everything new. I can do fun things. I can do difficult things. And I can enjoy them both. God’s love is alive in my heart. When I am close to God I never feel bored”

“Lord, You’ve given me so much - so much that I can’t even see You anymore! Maybe I should stop looking at all the good things You’ve given me. Maybe I should set all this stuff aside and just start looking for You.”

“God has my heart. He will take care of me. I will always have everything I need. It’s just that simple. Thank You, Lord”

“I did it my way. I thought of everything by myself. I did all the work. I didn’t ask anyone for help. And I was wrong! Oh Lord, I’m so sorry. I should have done it Your way”

“Oh Lord, I’ve made such a mess of things. Everyone is angry. Everything is ruined. My way doesn’t work. I don’t want my way anymore. Please show me Your way”

“Oh, I can be good! I can look good. I can sound good. I can do good things. And that’s good! But God doesn’t care how good I act on the outside. He wants me to know Jesus on the inside”

“I can’t love them! They’ve done too many bad things! But Jesus loves even people who do bad things. They are His children. I’ve done bad things too, but Jesus made me good. I will tell them that Jesus loves them”

“Sometimes I get tired of being good. I feel worn out. But that’s alright. God understands how I feel. He will help me to be good, even when I’m tired”

“I am so very busy sometimes! I must do this! I must do that! What’s that, Lord? What did You say? Speak up! I can’t hear You! Oops! I have to go now. Give me a call sometime, I’d really love to talk to You. Bye!” 

“I give up! I am frustrated. My dreams will never come true. But God says, “Try again”. He says, “Get up”. He will help me. He will make them real. But first I must get up”

“When I’m selfish I break God’s heart. But Jesus forgives me. He spread out His arms and died for me. People may hurt me. They may even make me cry. But that’s okay. I hurt Jesus. But He died to take my sins away. He forgave me. I will forgive the people who hurt me”

“I want to tell them about Jesus. But what if they get mad at me? What if they laugh? What if they won’t love me anymore? Oh, who cares if they love me or not? I love them. And I want them to know Jesus”

“You want me to do what, God? I can’t do that! It will never work! And how will I ever get it done? Oh God, when will I ever learn to trust You? And how long will it be before I realize that You can do what I cannot” 

“Why do I feel this way? Why does it hurt so much? Why won’t anyone help? Maybe I should try to be strong. Maybe I should just try to do this by myself. No! I feel too empty inside. Only Jesus can help. he is God Almighty. And I will look to Him”

“Where God can use me? What does He want me to do? I am good at many things. Things that would be very useful. But God does not care if I’m useful. He wants me to love Him. He wants me to be His”

“God has a job for me. So I will do it! I may not be the very best. I may not always get it right. It may not go the way I planned. But God isn’t worried about that. He just wants me to do it. He wants me to show Him I love Him”

“What does God want? What is God’s will? God’s will is me! And He has set me free. I am not afraid to decide. Jesus loves me. If I’m wrong, He will show me. And I will stop”

“God’s love is like a fire burning in my heart. It lights up every dreary place. It melts the coldest frozen heart. Its gentle warmth and beautiful fragrance are the light and life of every plain old, bald, and boring day”

“I can’t do that anymore. It’s not really bad. it’s not really wrong. But it just doesn’t feel right. I guess it’s okay for other people. But when I do it, I feel like I’ve been broken God’s heart. I’m just not going to do that anymore”

“I know what God wants. But how will I do it? I can study and plan. I can think through the good and bad. But that is not faith. I don’t understand. But God does. I can trust Him. He loves me. I will do what He says. I feel happy inside when I follow Him.”

“I will pray for her. I will not get angry. I will not talk behind her back. I think something must be wrong. Something is breaking her heart. i will ask god to help her. I know God has a plan for her life. And He wants me to help - He wants me to pray for her”

“Where did God go? Why isn’t He blessing my plans? How can I trust Him if He won’t bless me? How can I trust Him if He won’t make me happy? How can I say that I love Him when all I care about are His blessing? 

“Jesus was born to die on the cross. It was not an accident. Jesus went there on purpose. He went there for me”

“Why am I worried? Why am I afraid? Why do I think that God will forget about me? Oh Lord, please forgive me! You have not forgotten me, but I have forgotten You”

“Here are my hands, Lord. Use them to make something beautiful. And here is my heart, too. Help me to fall in love with You. Help me not to love the good things I do more than I love You.”

“I’m just not in the mood right now. I know what I need to do. And I don’t really wan’t to do it. But I will do it. God gave me His best. So I will give Him my best. Even when I feel like I do today”

“God is greater than the greatest thing I will ever do. He is more valuable than any good thing that will ever be put into my hands. I will stop worrying so much about things. I will give Jesus my heart”

“Sometimes I want my own way. I want God to do what I want. I want Him to make people act the way I want them to. I need to stop being so stubborn. I need to be more like Jesus”

“Do I like to point out other people’s faults? Jesus says, “don’t”. God can do that without hurting. But I am not God. When I point out every tiny, little thing that is wrong with my friend, I can be sure that there is still a great, big, ugly thing wrong with me”

“Did Jesus say ‘come’? Then I will come. I won’t ask around to see what other people think. Do they know better than God? Of course not. How silly! And neither do I. So look out, Jesus - here I come”

“Am I sure of myself? Or am I sure of God? God has been so good. Together we have done and seen amazing things. But I must never begin to trust in the things I’ve done. Those things are good. But they are not good.”

“She says she is happy without Jesus. She does not want to change. That’s not so strange. Anyone can be happy without Jesus. Jesus did not die to make me happy. Jesus died to make me His. He died to bring me home. He died to take away my selfishness and make me full of love. Sometimes that hurts. Sometimes it doesn’t make me happy at all. But I want to be friends with Jesus more than I want anything else”

“Am I trying to be the perfect Christian? Am I working hard to put on a pretty show? If my heart is set on me, people will be drawn to me. But if I give my heart to Jesus, people will be drawn to Him”

“Seasons will change. Friends will come and go. But one thing will always stay the same. Jesus loves me. He set me free. My roots grow strong and deep down to Him”

“Once I couldn’t see Jesus. I wanted to have lots of things. I wanted people to like me. I wanted everyone to do what I said. But something happened, I put all that down. And now I can see. Now I can see Jesus”

“I am ready, Lord. Ready to do something so great and big and amazing. Ready to do something so small that no one will ever notice. Here I am. You can send me.”

“Oh God, I have made so many mistakes. I want to be good. I want to do the right thing. Why can’t I do it? Why is it so hard? Over and over again I fail. But You reach out Your hand. You take me in Your arms. Your tender love melts my fear away. Oh God, You are so big. And I am so small. Please forgive me, I want to be like You”


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Revisi

3:40:00 PM Valencia Ng 0 Comments

Before - 16 July 2014 - 1.07 p.m - taken by Photo Booth
After - 16 July 2014 - 3.15 p.m
Okay, bloggie. Bingung mau mulai dari mana. Maafkan kalau ujung-ujungnya jadi ngoceh tidak jelas.

Dimulai dari mana ya? Dari gambar di atas dulu kali ya? Jadi beberapa minggu yang lalu gw di kasih tugas untuk membuat sebuah pop up book untuk UAS. Emang pada dasarnya gw rempong, atau gw procrastinator, dan ada beberapa hal lainnya yang membuat gw ga ngerjain tugas, gw baru ngerjain tugas jam 1 siang, di saat kelasnya jam 1. Belom bikin sama sekali, belom ada asistensi, belom ada apapun.  Lebih down lagi pas di kelas ada yang udah bikin, dsb. Ya yaudah gw coba buat dan warnain kan. Setidaknya mau kasih liat effort ke dosen gw. 2 jam kemudian, jadi lah. (cuma sayangnya ga ke save file .psd nya, my bad. jadinya harus ngulang) 

Ini membuat gw tersadar satu hal sih. Tentang proses. Kalau gw udah 'puas' dengan hasil jadi gw jam 1 tadi, gw ga akan menghasilkan apa - apa. Gw ga ngasih effort yang maksimal yang gw bisa kasih. Ini membuat keinget akan kejadian yang akhir-akhir ini ga lepas dari pemikiran gw. Tentang logo. Ya yang namanya desain emang ga jauh - jauh dari asistensi maupun revisi. Walaupun rempong banget, walaupun ngasih extra effort, dan walaupun kadang - kadang membuat gw ga tidur. Hal itu diperlukan untuk proses yang sesungguhnya, untuk direvisi jadi lebih baik dan lebih baik

Beberapa minggu ke depan gw udah rada deg-degan ngeliat jadwal dan to-do-list untuk UAS yang banyak banget. Ada pop up book, 12 gambar cat poster, ada makalah, ada ujian lain-lainnya. Banyak banget temen gw yang ngeluh dan curhat ke gw, gw bahkan ga bisa curhat balik. Ini post dibuat untuk mengingatkan gw, untuk enjoy the journey, untuk nikmatin proses nya. Walaupun mungkin capek, walaupun mungkin harus revisi, walaupun mungkin prosesnya ga mudah. 

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Four - Part II

1:31:00 AM Valencia Ng 0 Comments

So my best friends made a joke today
They told me that I can't move on
I laughed, well I did, you know...
I've already moved on
But the thing is, I'm still counting
It's not because I'm still waiting
But it's only because
waiting for you slowly became my habit
I do this mental arithmetic for years
The difference is, I've learned so much more than that
I've learned to forgive
I've learned to let go
I've found the good in goodbye
I still remember everything,
I remember the day I cried my way back home
but, now if I look back to that time
I don't feel the pain anymore,
I don't even understand why it hurt me so.
I don't even understand why I felt that much
I'm just glad I am here right now, where I'm supposed to be
I've realized some bigger dreams of mine

I wish you luck, I wish you happiness
I'm thanking you for every lesson you've taught me
I'm thanking fate for the crossed path, our limitations

The day I thought I'd never get through, I got over you :)

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Blog challenge part 3 - 5 / 5

12:36:00 AM Valencia Ng 0 Comments

Blog Challenge Part 3-5/5

I’m sorry bloggie, I was sick for a few days. And deadline came along the way, sooooo here we go, the next blog challenge. :D Let’s finish this!

13. Your opinions about your body and how comfortable you are with it. 
Okay, let’s face it. I’m fat, okay? Ini isu sensitif antara nyokap dan gw hahahahahhahaha. Intinya sin, kalo mau dibilang nyaman, ya ga nyaman juga. Dibilang ga nyaman, ya bukannya ga nyaman juga. Hahahhahaha. Yang pasti ada resolusi tahun ini adalah ‘be healthy’  dan ‘be comfortable on my own skin’. dan yang pasti gamau kalo suatu saat nanti diet cuma demi seseorang atau demi tunduk dengan ‘tatanan’ sosial. Gitu aja sih. hehehhehe. Kalo mau dijelasin secara rinci, ngobrol aja yuk!

14. What you wore today 
Baju rumah. Ga kemana - mana non :’)

15. Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality
Okaaaaay. Keep this in mind, I never believe in horoscopes, kay? Terus 3 minggu lalu gw disuruh research ama dosen gw tentang diri gw sendiri. Jadi, gw disuruh cari tau arti nama panjang gw, sejarahnya, budayanya, popularitasnya, originnya, apa hubungannya dengan hari raya atau bulan atau musim tertentu. Mungkin dicari juga budaya paganisme atau budaya agama yang terkait dengan nama gw. Kemudian juga gw disuruh cari tentang horoskop, shio, numerology tanggal ulang tahun, bulan, bahkan sampe ke birthstone, dan hal - hal sejenisnya. Selain itu juga disuruh cari tentang kekurangan dan kelebihan diri gw sendiri. Nah, ya udah gw cari sesuai tugasnya, it is based on research kan. Gw research tentang pop art bukan berarti gw percaya tentang pop art kan? Hahahhaha. Akhirnya ketemu tuh. Untuk menjawab pertanyaan di blog challenge ini, jujur aja gw ketemu beberapa sifat yang menurut gw ya itu gw banget. Beberapa ya, “they often handle lots of jobs at the same time”, “tend to like some unexpected and unusual things”, “sensitive people”, “freedom is what this woman looks for”, “rarely jealous”, “humanitarian”, “stubborn”, “sarcastic”, “rebellious”, “likes to do something useful with their lives”, “progressive thinkers, great at forming new ideologies and theories”, “attention to detail”,”like grand ideas and massive plans and can make them happen but the mundane day to day repetitive details cause them to procrastinate”, “are in search of wisdom”, “visionaries”, “always after intellectual stimulation”, “deviate from the crowd and go their own way”, “filled with paradoxes”, “like to experience both sides and see both opinions”. Kalo emang pertanyaannya sekedar apa aja yang menurut gw cocok ama personality gw, ya itu… Tapi gw tetep ga percaya dengan horoskop dan sejenisnya karena menurut gw setiap manusia itu unik dan ga bisa di stereotype gitu aja :))

16. Something you always think ‘what if’ about….
Banyak. Ga cuma satu….. Tapi yang paling sering adalah, gimana kalo gw ga kuliah di UPH tapi di luar negeri? :( 

17. Something that you’re proud of
My God! He-is-able-to-do-everything-yet-He-chose-to-love-me-just-as-I-am

18. A problem that you have had
Hmmm. Apa ya? Banyak non ga cuma satu lalalalallalalla ahahahhahah yang paling sering sih insecure problem kalo dah mulai insecure gitu ga enak lah asli percayalah 

19. Five items you lust after. 
‘Lust’ is not the right word. However, wanderLUST, journal shop, a tablet or a bamboo, to try something new, apa lagi yaaaaaaaaaaa ga kepikiran nih. Hmm.

20. Your fears
Athazagoraphobia. Ga sampe tahap phobia sih hahahhahahaha. I’m not that scared of heights butttt I’m kinda scared of falling down instantly like when you ride a rollercoaster or hysteria. Takut sama boneka hidup. Takut sama bentuk pocong (sumpah, salahkan kakak2 gw -_-), takut film horor, dan takut kalau hidup penuh dengan penyesalan so I tend to Y.O.L.O things gitu sih walopun bukan dalam hal2 negatif hahahahah. Yang pasti aku takut banget kalo suatu saat aku udah mau meninggal terus menyesali karena aku ga ngelakuin apa yang bisa aku lakuin. Itu aja sih. Eh by the way, ga gampang lho buat aku untuk nulis ini, Bloggie :’)

21. How you hope your future will be like
Ah, satu tempat imajiner bernama masa depannnn….. Hmmmm. Banyak nih, bingung. Gw berharap bisa mission trip ke tempat - tempat lain, bahkan kalau bisa stay disana. Gw berharap bisa travel, lebih - lebih punya pekerjaan yang membuat gwtravel, dan aku ga mau cuma jadi turis dan foto - foto di tempat turis pada datengin. Gw berharap bisa jadi seorang designer yang ga hanya turut dengan keinginan klient, ga hanya karena duitnya bagus, tapi emang dengan design mengubah mindset orang. Ga pengen banget jadi designer yang meningkatkan konsumerisme atau rasisme, lebih - lebih, seksisme. Ga akan mau nerima job design yang merendahkan kaum perempuan. Gw mau jadi penulis, even walaupun ga ada yang baca, dan walaupun bukunya ga diterbitin siapa - siapa. Gw pengen ketemu lebih banyak orang lagi, dari berbagai latar belakang, ketemu untuk bisa share dan bisa tuker pikiran, bisa akhirnya kita terlepas dari segala jenis ‘identitas’ yang kita, gw berharap suatu saat bokap gw menerima Tuhan, gw berharap suatu saat media kristen ga cuma melempem, tapi bisa bener - bener ngasih dampak, gw berharap suatu saat gw punya toko jurnal, atau jadi kolektor jurnal, atau bahkan produksi jurnal dan encourage orang - orang untuk nulis. Write to express and not to impress, bukan tipikal nulis di sosial media gitu. Gw berharap suatu saat bisa bener - bener sayang banget sama orang. Gw berharap suatu saat bisa jadi salah satu orang yang ngurai benang kusut sistem di Indonesia, sama - sama, karena sebuah sistem ga akan pernah bisa diganti oleh satu orang aja - mau dia capres sebagus apapun. Gw berharap kemanapun gw melangkah nanti, emang Tuhan nunjukin gw harus kesana. There are a lot of things I really want in the future, pengen lebih cerdas lagi, pengen banyak tau banyak hal, pengen belajar lagi, pengen pelayanan lagi, pengen ketemu banyak orang, pengen belajar suatu hal yang baru, pengen akhirnya ngalahin ketakutan satu demi satu. 

22. Your academics
Weh pertanyaannya makin sedih ya. Hahhahahahahahahhahaha. Intinya, untuk mempertahankan beasiswa IP nya harus 3,75. Dan kuliah gw bukan tipikal kuliah yang belajar D-1 dan bukan tipikal yang harus ngafal. Kalo sekedar ngafal, ngertiin konsep, terus tadamdamdam langsung ulangan mah ga masalah sih buat gw. Masalahnya adalah, gaada proses instan jadinya let’s say mau taste bagus di design? Harus banyak liat. Mau bisa gambar, dikasihlah setumpuk ebooks tentang gambar yang pasti kalo dibuka secara otomatis bikin galau. Kalau ditanya tentang nilai, ya nilai gw di atas rata - rata sih, cuma masih belum cukup IPK nya buat mempertahankan beasiswa. Beda dikit sih. Dan ga pernah ngerasa gw bagus -_- cuma gatau ya dari dulu ketemu dosen ataupun guru yang ngehargain proses daripada hasil. By the way, gw sangat tertarik dengan pelajaran macam filsafat, media, dan sebagainya jadi gw pastiiiiiii banyak nanya ahhahahahahahahha. Bukan karena ngerti banget tapi karena sangat tertarik untuk belajar

23. Something that you miss
Entah kenapa, diri gw. Akhir - akhir ini gw merasa semakin kole dan semakin practical jadi orang. Jadi suatu saat di sfs pernah ada kayak bikin kertas anonim gitu nulis kekurangan dan kelebihan. Anehnya ada yang nulis gw orang nya teknis. Gw ampe bingung, emang gw se teknis itu ya? Soalnya biasanya gw bukan tipe orang yang task-oriented gitu. Gw lebih suka kayak quality time, ngobrol, dan sebagainya. Nah ini membuat gw bingung sih. Idealisme gw juga makin lama makin……. apa ya? Tetep idealis sih, tapi sekarang jadi jatuhnya ke skeptis gitu. Dan pesimis. Gw ampe takut gw jadi tipe yang menggagalkan dan menghancurkan mimpi orang dibanding jadi orang yang bisa encourage orang lain. Sedih kan. Apalagi banyak yang suka nanya pendapat gitu. Kangen aja gw yang dulu. Hahahahha. 

24. Five words / phrases that make you laugh
Hahahhaha liat ini aja dehhh http://www.pinterest.com/fvalencian/funny/ 

25. Something you’re currently worrying about
Ah dari dulu yang dikhawatirin sama aja kokkkk

26. Things you like and dislike about yourself
Things I like : ………..apa ya. bingung. Gw suka karena gw suka membaca, karena gw plan hidup gw dari jauh - jauh hari, dan gw suka nulis, dan gw menjalani apa yang gw suka. Gw suka karena gw suka tiba2 ngide ga jelas gitu. Gw suka karena gw cenderung gampang memaafkan orang lain, walopun susah lupa. Gw suka karena gw bisa inget hal2  detail dan memikirkan hal yang orang lain belom pikirin. Gw suka karena gw tumbuh besar menjadi orang yang idealis dan bebas-bertanggung-jawab
Things I dislike : …………. ban yak. Gw beneran ga suka betapa insecurenya gw, betapa gw mudah nangis, betapa gw sering ga tau gw harus kemana dan gw harus gimana. Gw ga suka diri gw yang overthinking, yang suka neurotic sendiri, yang suka merasa terbatas ama dirinya sendiri jadi enggak bisa bebas seperti yang gw inginkan. Gw beneran ga suka dengan kepengecutan gw untuk enggak ngejar mimpi gw dulu dan jujur ini hal yang paling susah untuk dimaafin sih. Gw ga suka betapa gw ga disiplin dan kenapa gw kurang kreatif dan kurang banget di dkv. Hadeh. Gw paling ga suka ketika diri gw mencoba menjadi perfect, terus gagal, terus kecewa ama diri sendiri karena rasanya ga enak banget. Hadeh. 

27. A quote you try to live by
“She designs a life she loves”, sesuai dengan nama blog gw. Disini biasanya gw akan di counter sam a pernyataan sejenis ‘God is a designer’. Maksud gw disini bukanlah untuk menyaingi Tuhan, rencanaNya, dan ketepatan waktuNya dalam hidup gw. Quotes ini cuma nunjukin identitas gw sebagai designer dan betapa gw memilih design yang notabene adalah passion gw untuk menjadi jalan hidup. Dengan gw nanti menjadi seorang designer, itu gw sama aja menjalani mimpi gw. Istilah design sendiri disini pengen nunjukin kalo gw diberi pilihan banyak, dan gw punya kesempatan untuk arrange hidup gw, semenarik mungkin, sesuai dengan yang gw suka, seperti kalo desainer ngelayout, ngebuat sesuatu. Ini bukan berarti menunjukkan kalo Tuhan ga ada. Justru Tuhan disini yang menciptakan sesuatu dari ga ada jadi ada, sedangkan manusia kapasitasnya menciptakan sesuatu dari yang udah ada sebelumnya. Hal ini sama seperti desainer yang selamanya ga bisa original karena segala sesuatunya udah ada dari alam dan dari Tuhan, tapi desainer menata dan mengkomposisikan sebaik - baiknya menjadi sebuah karya. 

28. Somewhere you’d like to move to or visit
London or Italy. I’d love to move thereeee! PLEASE. London is super inspiring, like, really…. so many cool things came from London. Banyak banget kegerakan anak muda dan pemikiran kreatif muncul di London. Pengen banget bisa kuliah lagi disana atau tinggal atau gimana gitu. Kalau italy lebih karena suka ambiencenya dan makanannya sih penasaran pengen nyoba! Antara dua itu lah :’) Seni juga berkembang banget di kedua tempat itu. I wish, one day!

29. Five weird things that you like
What’s weirdddd…. Hmmm. Apa ya…. Gw bingung. Gw suka, tidur dengan banyak bantal, mandi di saat gw ulang taun, gw suka es krim mangga, gw suka jurnal (addicted! - but it’s not so weird, huh?), gw suka apa lagi ya…. *mendadak ngeblank*

30. One thing you’re excited for
Youth camp 2014. Whohooo!


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