This week I feel unappreciated for every single effort I made and it made the list longer. I realize I'm being ungrateful but I really feel like I'm walking alone. Especially with my family. I have no energy to explain to them what I am doing. They don't understand. What they understand is ... what I do is costly. And it does. It really does. 

Every Thursday when I have to go to Jakarta - Tangerang by bus, usually I don't sleep so that I don't arrive late to meet my lecturer. That was one of those days. I haven't slept and by a simple rebuke, I cried in front of my dad. I cried out loud. With voices. While pasting double tape on my artwork. While rushing to go to campus and I was already late. If you know the relationship between us you'd be surprised. I rarely show my emotions in front of him. So maybe I was that tired...... And maybe it was not because of things he did but what I thought he didn't do. 

Yesterday as I took honey, I asked him, "jahenya gaada?". Because I usually sleep by 4-5 am everyday, I always drink or eat any kind of thing that will help me to stay fit and stay awake. It could be honey, ginger, warm milk, tea, coffee, Pocari, Tolak Angin, vitamin, any kind of thing. Sometimes I mix ginger powder with coffee or honey in replacement of Tolak Angin. He didn't reply any word. 

This midnight, as I took any more honey, I realized there were two jars of ginger powder. I know it's the simplest thing, but I realize how ungrateful I've been. I know we have different love language, and he shows his support not by putting it into words or spending more time with me, but through his act of service. I know he tries to work hard to pay for me to print any more artwork to show to my lecturer. I know he stops using printer when I took the printer upstairs to print my papers. I know that when there was a fire in the neighborhood the first thing he did was to make sure the kids were safe and well-eaten. I know that even when he disconnected the phone because he was too pissed off when I called him to say my laptop is broken, he texted me again few minutes later to ask what he could do. He knows because even though it's not grand act of love, it is visible in the tiniest detail of my being. 

This time,  it took me two jars of ginger powder at two am to realize that.